Life’s Truths

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (And, clean your house before anyone goes in it!)

2. Nothing is worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times when I was younger and I didn’t want to nap.

4. There is great need for a font that denotes sarcasm.

5. How the heck does one fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions at #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they said how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there often comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection … Again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to the ten-page document I swear I didn’t make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will not wash it — Ever.

15. I hate it when I just miss a call, but when I call back immediately, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Throw your phone out the window?

16. I hate leaving my house looking good and feeling confident, then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers — I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with beer than with Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21. Sometimes I’ll watch a movie I watched when I was younger, only to realize I had no idea what the heck was going on the first time I saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry ten grocery bags in each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries inside.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. (And, they always seem to be green then!)

24. I have a hard time deciphering the difference between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent some jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

29. There is no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you’re going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver, I hate pedestrians. As a pedestrian, I hate drivers. (And, bikers, you are a WHOLE other story!)

31. Sometimes I look down at my watch three consecutive times and still don’t know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in their pocket, finding their cell phone in their hand, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey … But I’ll bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!